Looks like this essay was needed, so I went ahead and did it. Not sure I said everything I wanted to say, but I tried.
So, there’s this girl. She’s tragically orphaned and richer than anyone on the planet. Every guy she meets falls in love with her, but in…
MOTHERFUCKERS WANTED MY FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE GODDAMN WINTER SLIDE
UNDERAGE MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER STEER CLEAR OF THIS BULLSHIT - OBEY YOUR COUNTRY’S ALCOHOL LAWS, ASSHATS.
PARADE YOUR FANCY ASS OVER TO YOUR LOCAL BREWERY AND DEMAND THEY SUBMIT TITHE TO THE MAJESTY THAT IS YOUR FACE! ACCEPT ONLY THE FINEST IRISH CREAM (I PREFER CAROLINES)
WHEN YOU FEEL SATISFIED AT THEIR HUMBLE OFFERINGS, SPREAD YOUR FUCKING WINGS AND HEAD-BOB YOUR WAY BACK TO THE KITCHEN.
TEAR A HOLE IN THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE AND GRAB REALITY BY THE HEART - FEEL THE LIFE-BLOOD POURING BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS AND STRIP IT AWAY.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST HARVESTED SOME YORK-MINT-PATTY COFFEE CREAMER!
CALL UP YOUR CANADIAN BROS AND GET THEM TO RIDE A POLAR BEAR OVER TO YOUR HOUSE FOR SOME FLY-ASS VANILLA ICE CREAM
LEFTOVER CANDY CANES? SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!
PRACTICE YOUR TIBETAN THROAT-SINGING WHILE MEASURING OUT YOUR INGREDIENTS.
1/4 CUP IRISH CREAM
3 CUPS ICE CREAM
1/8 CUP CREAMER
AGGRESSIVELY POUR THEM INTO A BLENDER AND SMACK THE FUCKING MACHINE UNTIL IT BLENDS THE SHIT OUT OF THIS CRAZY AWESOMENESS.
TAKE YOUR HUGE-ASS WINE GLASS BY THE STEM, AND PICK UP YOUR CHOCOLATE SYRUP WITH THE OTHER DEMON-STABBING HAND.
IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING CHOCOLATE SYRUP, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF HUMAN BEING ARE YOU? PURCHASE SOME! FUCK!
SLOWLY SPIN THE WINE GLASS WHILE SQUIRTING SYRUP INTO IT, AND DRAW THE SQUIRT BOTTLE UP TOWARD THE TOP OF THE GLASS WHILE IT SPINS.
THAT SHOULD MAKE AN AESTHETICALLY PLEASING AND ALSO DELICIOUS SWIRL OF CHOCOLATE ON THE INSIDE OF YOUR GLASS.
HOLY FUCKING TITS, LOOK AT YOUR FANCY ASS!
CATCALL THE UNIVERSE FOR BEING SUCH A MAJESTIC MOTHERCUKER AND DUMP YOUR BLENDED BULLSHIT INTO THE GLASS.
TOP IT WITH WHIPPED CREAM, MORE CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND THAT SMASHED CANDY CANE I MENTIONED EARLIER!
ENJOY YOUR MOUTHGASM, ASSHOLE!
The Paperback Bookshop is an independent general bookshop that was established in the early 1960s at the top of Bourke street and was then one of the few Melbourne bookshops to sell a good selection of Australian and imported books, particularly paperback editions of books not commonly available in Melbourne. (by Diego DeNicola)
- Shy and beautiful girl, who doesn’t know she’s beautiful, with a tragic back story
- Hot, popular and mysterious guy, who doesn’t do relationships, with a tragic back story
- Guy feels strangely drawn to shy girl and they fall in love
- But shy girl has issues and they break up at least once at the expense of her unwillingness to trust him
- They get back together and help each other overcome their past
- The end
Krista Ford, daughter of Councilor Doug Ford and niece of Mayor Rob Ford, tweeted: “Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defence classes & don’t dress like a whore” along with the tags “#DontBeAVictim” and “#StreetSmart.”
I can’t. Live in this city. Any. More.
it’s horrible and pathetic, that a person can think that a person can be raped merely on the basis of their clothing. It doesn’t matter what a person wears, they can still be raped. Elderly women have been raped, does that mean they were dressed like whores? I don’t think so.
Taken from the article, a person’s response to the tweet.
So, you’ve called me a whore. Here we are. This is awkward now, isn’t it? You’re probably wondering if I’m going to challenge you on having been a member of Lingerie League. I’m not, because I’d never slut-shame another woman. I believe you have a right to your body and regardless of how you do or don’t dress it I believe you have a right to respect and personal security. I guess that’s the key difference in our thinking. You could wear a t-shirt that says “I’m literally asking for it” and I’d still advocate for your security.
That’s what I’m asking for this brief moment of your day, for your edification. You’re a woman and you should know that your body is yours and yours alone. No matter how you dress it, you have a right — an actual Charter of Rights and Freedom right — to not be sexually assaulted. You are entitled to life, liberty and the security of person. Welcome to Canada — you live here! If you weren’t aware of your Charter rights, other Canadian things you may have missed out on are double-doubles, good maple syrup, and Beachcombers*, so check that s—- out.
For the record, I was sexually assaulted while wearing a knee-length polka-dot dress. The last time I wore that dress, it was to Easter dinner at my Gran’s, where I’m fairly certain I could make little to no money whoring….”